How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans with, fix for, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond with, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return to, beseech, entertain, charm, tug, drag, crawl, respect, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, cry for, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce to, fuse, fizz, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug with, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, entertain, calm, allay fears of, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, pine, cajole, murmur to, snuggle with, elevate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, ball, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, sweet-talk, persuade, flip, flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, wetten, slicken, wriggle, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship . . . then go back, Jack, and DO IT AGAIN.

How to Satisfy a Man Every Time

Show up naked.

Like that? (unlikely) Check out the Ages of Women and Men.

Just in: A photo of me finishing the Raleigh marathon, a strained grin cracking my pasty, salt-encrusted face. 3 hours, 13 minutes, 12 seconds. My teeth are not that bad. It's just that the shirt was really white. WWW Virtual Library, another good reference portal. Thanks to L. I can't believe that I just spent 30 minutes tracking down the details of this stupid British e-mail scandal. How disappointing.

Subject: What kind of a man are you?
. . . a. An Unreconstructed Male
. . . b. A Right-on Male
. . . c. A Rogue Male or
. . . d. A Delivery Boy of the New Male Order?

Find Out Below.

1. A woman whispers "Do me now, big boy..." in your ear. She is
obviously:
. . . a)Short sighted.
. . . b) Attempting to overcome a lack of self-esteem through
meaningless sexual gratification.
. . . c) Begging for it.
. . . d) A recording.

2. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
. . . a) Sex.
. . . b) Fucking.
. . . c) Enclosure.
. . . d) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town.

3. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after
you've both shared:
. . . a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
. . . b) Blood-test results.
. . . c) A cab.
. . . d) Five tequila slammers.

Here's a link I've been meaning to set up for some time as a separate page. Two e-mail chain letters, side-by-side. One is from McSweeney's, the other is real. Can you tell which is which?

These startling results suggested that animals might somehow be able to detect prospective mates whose MHC genes are more or less similar to their own and then to choose mates accordingly. They may have evolved such an ability because of MHC's importance in the immune system or simply because MHC sensibility is a way to distinguish relatives from nonrelatives and thus to avoid inbreeding. To find out, scientists have shifted their studies of mate choice from the more traditional variables of outward appearance to the realm of genetics.

I'm off to play Santa. Jingle, jingle.

What is it?
Your classic deadpool is a game of picking celebrity deaths. Points are generally earned based on odds (which are usually based on the age of the celebrity).
FuckedCompany.com is a game based on the classic deadpool, but instead of betting for (or against) people, you're betting on companies. The lines are a little blurred when dealing with companies because there is rarely a clean-cut death. To make up for this, FuckedCompany.com rates different levels of a company's demise and awards points based on the level of severity. See official rules for more information on scoring.
FuckedCompany.com has also pretty much turned into the source for news about dot-com companies. Bad news, that is.

According to the findings, more than 1 in 10 boys had engaged in anal intercourse, half had received oral sex from a girl, and slightly more than a third had performed oral sex on a girl.
The national survey found significant differences among racial and ethnic groups: black and Hispanic boys were almost twice as likely as whites to have had anal intercourse. White and Hispanic boys were about twice as likely as blacks to have performed oral sex on a girl. The study also found that while the percentage of black boys receiving oral sex more than doubled, to 56.9 percent, from 1988 to 1995, the percentage stayed relatively stable among white boys — at 50.3 percent — and among Hispanic boys, at 45.4 percent.
. . . .
And in an earlier survey of college freshmen and sophomores in the South, a quarter considered anal intercourse as abstinence, and more than a third thought the same of oral sex.

And they give the president a hard time. Former president. Near-former president. Ahhhh, school days.

This is odd news: suburban sprawl appears to date back 1,500 years, at least among the Mayans. I wonder if the kids in Mayan suburbs just cruised aimlessly (on foot) around Mayan markets (likened in the article to modern strip malls)?

The daughter of Thaumas and Elektra, Iris is sister of the Harpies. Her name also means ’rainbow’, thus implying that her presence is a sign of Hope.
She plays an essential role in The Iliad as the messenger of Zeus. She is also loyal to other immortals, such as Aphrodite. When Aphrodite was wounded at Troy, Iris helped her into Ares’s war chariot and drove the injured goddess to Olympos to be treated for her wounds.

A web site for globetrotters that describes events worth crashing all over the world. (for T.)

I am making a standing suggestion that any friends who bear male children in the year 2001 consider naming the child Hal. All the cards at the baby shower will say, "Something wonderful is going to happen."

. . . humans have been doing crazy things to determine offspring gender for centuries. French noblemen of the 18th century pinched their left testicle during ejaculation, believing that the practice helped produce male heirs. At other times in human history, women wore men's clothing while having sex, men wore boots during coitus, couples copulated at midnight in the open air, and clothing was hung on a particular side of the bed, all in hopes of engendering a male. In Austria, midwives actually buried the placenta under a nut tree - to 'ensure' that the next child would have a penis.

I guess I'd rather have her dress up in men's clothing than pinch my left testicle during ejaculation.

On the to-do list when Kim and I visit London this spring, an excursion to the banks of the Thames to spend a day as mudlarks.

Pottery fragments, for example, blanket the tidal foreshore. Pipes, which were cheap and common from the introduction of tobacco in the 16th century, also litter the flats. They can often be dated by size and shape, or by makers' marks, and a single visit can yield an example from every century since Sir Walter Raleigh brought tobacco to the country.